Dear Terrorists...

...freedom fighters, rebels, nationalists, fundamentalists, and other violent ideologues. 

Please stop blowing things up, or look what we'll do to you: Irish Car Bombs. Yeah, and this isn't a name that even registers a historical or ideological thought in the American brain, by the way. It's just the name of a drink. Keep up your violence, and next we'll be drinking Jihadi Shots, Bali Beach Bombs, Hi-Jack-n-Cokes, Green Zone Sniper (jello) Shots, and the like. Because we're Americans. No matter what you do to us or to other living human beings around the world, no matter what you're willing to kill and die for, we will find a way to sell it, for $4 each, and advertise it with scantily dressed waitresses and cute little posters. Give up now. We are indomitable. 

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