Sack the Sack

From the Associated Press:

"RICHMOND, Va. - Drive in Virginia with outsized rubber replica testicles dangling from your trailer hitch and face a fine under a bill before the General Assembly.

"Taste and even decency notwithstanding, Del. Lionel Spruill introduced the bill Tuesday as a safety measure: male genitalia swaying from a car distracts other drivers.

"His bill would make displaying the ornamentation a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $250.

"The idea and motivation, however, came from a constituent upset that his young daughter had caught sight of the facsimile sex organs and asked what they were.

"'I didn't know what to tell her,' Spruill said, quoting the constituent, whom he refused to identify."

You know, I'm not a big fan of trailer hitch scrotums. At best, they're tremendously tacky. At worst... they're tremendously tacky. But I'm not so sure about banning them. Frankly, I find bumper stickers much more distracting, as they demand to be actually, y'know, read. And I'm not too compelled by the argument "I didn't know how to explain what testicles are to my daughter!" I don't have kids, but my sense from friends who do is that once they're old enough to ask, you kinda gotta tell 'em. And how hard is it to say, "Testicles are a body part that men and boys have, as is the penis. Absolute morons put fake testicles on their trucks to compensate for the fact that their penises are somehow defective or insufficient."

At around this time, you're thinking "Bradley, you'd be a great dad." And you're probably right. But I take my virginity pledge far too seriously to throw it away on a thrill as fleeting as parenthood.

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