I'm Usually Against Torture or "Extraordinary Rendition"...

... but in James Blunt's case, I'd gladly make an exception. His 2005 debut single "Beautiful" is a crime against humanity-- insipid, sentimental shlock the likes of which would make even Billy Joel nauseous. There is no question in my mind that "Beautiful" is the worst song ever recorded-- it makes "MacArthur Park" and "We Built This City on Rock and Roll" sound like... like... like songs that don't absolutely suck.

See? I can't even be clever when I'm talking about James Blunt. That's how angry I am at the fact that this ass-clown has a recording contract. Normally, I'm quite content to just shrug with indifference when I don't like a song or musician-- you're a Garth Brooks fan? Whatever. You're into Justin Timberlake? Go on with your bad self. But I can't sit idly by while James Blunt releases a second album-- he's poisoning our collective unconscious with his "soulful" drivel-- something must be done!

Anyway-- I loved this quote from the Guardian's review of his latest "musical" effort:

"Elsewhere, songs ruminate about celebrity, among them the deeply peculiar Annie, on which the titular heroine's failure to achieve fame is bemoaned -"Did it all come tumbling down?" - and Blunt, gallant to the last, offers her the opportunity to fellate him as a kind of consolation prize: "Will you go down on me?" More bizarre still, he offers her the opportunity to fellate him in the kind of voice normally associated with the terminally ill asking a doctor how long they've got left: tremulous, replete with pregnant pauses, suggestive of brimming eyes, etc. The overall effect is so bizarre that it overshadows anything Blunt may have to say about the fickle nature of fame. You come away convinced that the song's underlying message is: give me a blow job or I'll cry."

Somebody stop him! This is why the terrorists hate us! I'm certain!

I've got to calm down. I teach in an hour and a half.

Newer Post Older Post Home