Conservatives Don't Read

An Associated Press- Ipsos poll has revealed what many of us have suspected all along-- people who identify themselves as liberals read more books than people who identify themselves as conservatives.

According to the poll, 22% of liberals and moderates say that they haven't read a book in the past year. Yeah, that's kind of mind-boggling, but compare that to the 34% of conservatives who admit that they haven't read a book in a year. Furthermore, "Among those who had read at least one book, liberals typically read nine books in the year, with half reading more than that and half less. Conservatives typically read eight, moderates five."

Okay, to be honest, this news isn't all that interesting. Liberals read more than conservatives-- that's pretty obvious. And a difference of 12% in a poll with a margin of error of plus or minus 3% isn't really that significant (seriously, my fellow liberals-- let's get on the stick and each try to read at least one book a year). But what I like most about this story is the response from White House spokesman Tony Fratto: "Obfuscation usually requires a lot more words than if you simply focus on fundamental principles, so I'm not at all surprised by the loquaciousness of liberals."

So, you see, conservatives don't read because words are dumb. They distract us from the simple, self-evident truths (or "fundamental principles") that conservatives just know intuitively. Of course, the fact that Fratto attacks liberals' devotion to fancy book-larnin' is especially funny, as he employs the words "obfuscation" and "loquaciousness."

Remember folks-- according to a prominent White House official, conservatives are willfully aliterate. Tell your friends.

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