Who is Dan Barry and how did he get his job?

You might think that a liberal rag like the NY Times would celebrate the news that Daimler Chrysler is bringing the Smart Car to the US, and that they're advertising it heavily there. After all, the Smart Car is cute, and, most importantly in these days of gas prices that, in south Florida at least, hover around the $3.00 a gallon mark and have for the better part of a year, is fuel efficient. Plus, it's small, which helps with congestion in crowded cities like New York.

But no, Dan barry has to try to act like a goddamn idiot.

For example, ads show the Smart car zipping into parking places and leaving enough space to mate with another Smart car. But New Yorkers lurking for a parking space would simply pick the Smart car up and deposit it in the nearest receptacle, or maybe take it home for use as a paperweight for takeout menus.

New Yorkers wouldn't even drive Smart cars, except for maybe a few rebels out in Williamsburg looking to burn their trust money. No, New Yorkers would corrupt the very purpose of Smart cars, all those miles per pint notwithstanding. They wouldn't drive them; they would wear them.

That's right: the Smart car as accessory. Soon you'd see them hanging from the necks of well-preserved socialites at a charity ball for the Women Unable to Frown Foundation (WUFF). Then as earrings, cuff links, tie clasps — even cellphones. Just talk into the exhaust pipe.

To people looking at a future involving peak oil and global warming, the Smart Car might seem like a solid idea. For Dan Barry, it's an excuse to make unoriginal jokes. Geez.

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