I'm late getting to this today because I've been weeping about student papers and distracting myself in other ways for most of the day, but it's time. Last week, I went 11-5, while Mary, whose picks were decidedly funnier than mine, went 5-7 with 4 abstensions, near as I can figure. But like I said, way funnier.
Here are my picks for this week, winners in caps, and I'll try to raise the level of my joke game as well.
Houston at TENNESSEE Did you know the Tennessee team used to be the Houston team? They got better when they left, like most things from Houston.
Carolina at ATLANTA You have no idea how much I hate picking the Falcons to win. No idea.
Cincinnati at GREEN BAY What happened to that Bengals team? They looked so promising a couple of years ago.
OAKLAND at Kansas City The Raiders still aren't a good team, but their defense does seem to have a little swagger back. KC wasn't as bad as I thought they would be last week against Baltimore, so they could kick Oakland around for all I know. In other words, I really don't have a clue who will win this game.
NEW ORLEANS at Philadelphia This isn't just a homer pick--I like the Saints in this game, what with Donovan McNabb out. The defense looked better last week, but that was against the Lions with a rookie QB making his first start. They'll get another inexperienced QB this week in Kevin Kolb, so if the Saints can shore up their special teams, they should be able to hang with the Eagles at the very least.
St. Louis at WASHINGTON The Rams were really bad last week, and I'd be thrilled if they took out Washington this week--to be honest, I'd love it if Washington loses every game it plays until they change their mascot and team name to something that's not the equivalent of the n-word. That's probably not going to happen.
MINNESOTA at Detroit Brett Favre will probably hand the ball to Adrian Petersen 35 times, throw a dozen passes, and be lauded as the Jesus of football by the people at ESPN. And Detroit will continue to suck.
Arizona at JACKSONVILLE The Jags will win and no one in Jacksonville will know it because the game will be blacked out again.
New England at NEW YORK JETS I don't really know why I'm picking the Jets. Someone has to?
Seattle at SAN FRANCISCO Seattle should win this game, frankly. I'm going with my gut, which in the past has had shit for brains.
Tampa Bay at BUFFALO The Bills have a stouter defense than Dallas, so I don't think Cadillac Williams will roll like he did last week. Buffalo is the better team here, no question.
Cleveland at DENVER Roll on Kyle Orton! Seriously though, this game sucks out loud. No one will want to watch it.
PITTSBURGH at Chicago Maybe Urlacher's replacement will be even better than Urlacher. Probably not.
BALTIMORE at San Diego So maybe the Ravens defense isn't as bad ass as it used to be--it still ought to be enough.
NY GIANTS at Dallas This is my official "rooting for injuries" game of the week. I think the Giants are marginally better, but I'd rather the gates of hell opened up and sucked down both teams and Jerry Jones's new stadium.
INDIANAPOLIS at Miami Hate to go against the home team, but I suspect this one will be over pretty early.
That's the week. Hopefully I'll be able to watch some of it instead of grading papers. Leave your picks in comments if you wish, or you can just mock mine.