It's a Dick in your Mouth

The Burger King, that modern monarch who does not deign to pay farm workers a penny more, wants you to know that you've got a dick in your mouth.



As an experienced interpreter of literature in the Freudian mode and model, I can draw a few easy conclusions about this ad campaign right away: first, King Burger doth proclaim that you've got a dick in your mouth. This forcefully imposed sexual metaphor -- that your tongue is a lust-wand engorged with blood and bursting with prurient need, that its presence in your mouth is alien, perhaps uncomfortable, definitely embarrassing -- seems simply to be the King calling you "cocksucker" -- an insult that derives its power from the apparently subservient position the doer of the deed represents.

Get that dick out of your mouth, cocksucker, Burger King is saying to you; stop swinging from its nuts; cease being victim to its whims. How? By recognizing your oral fixation and letting it be satisfied by the King: satisfied by small potato patties infused with melted cheese -- crispy yet soft: a palmable "American Pie" meant to be taken solo.

All of this is well enough, but the King wants you to do this in your car. The King wants you to show yourself off. The Burger King wants the young lady nearby to see you satisfy your oral need on a cheese-melty disc of salty-sweet delight, to "make straight" your dick-tonguing desires by redirecting them onto a piece of potato, and, ultimately, a pretty girl. And the King wants you to see all this as normal: you are not a pervert, a deficient, or a fool, but a natural male living out his urges at the drive-thru.

I am A Pimp Named Burger King -- it's a like A Tribe Called Quest: you got to say the whole thing.

...That's what Burger King is saying.

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