Being Positive About Republican Presidential Candidates
Sometimes I feel like all we have to say about the Republican presidential candidates are negative things. So I'd like to take a moment and point out a few positive things about the men running to inherit bu$h's ignominity.
Rudy Giuliani, unlike the other R candidates, looks terrible in drag.A positive thought about the lot of them: since "candidate" comes from the Latin word for white, perhaps the party isn't so much racist as just real sticklers for etymological correctness.
Mike Huckabee, unlike the other R candidates, doesn't want to destroy poor people.
Mitt Romney, unlike the other R candidates, kind of has one of those real manly-looking "cut" comic book guy faces. I'm not sure how good that is. I'm trying.
Tom Tancredo, unlike the other R candidates, is un-hypocritical enough to not come to Florida and milquetoast his racism to Hispanics.
John McCain, unlike the other R candidates, knows it's wrong to torture people.
Ron Paul, unlike the other R candidates, doesn't think this nightmare in Iraq was a good idea.
Fred Thompson, unlike the other R candidates, was the bomb in Phantoms, yo.
Whew. Well, that was difficult. But character-building. Each of them (kind of) has something un-repulsive about him. Of course, the problem with republican presidential candidates is that you find one good thing, lift the lid, and out run millions of gay concentration camps, 9/11 9/11 9/11s, reactionary tax policies, "she's a 'bitch' haw haw"s, "my clown-car is a pickup/my town-car is a limo"s, "I torture my dog and I think that's funny"... scuttering out like cockroaches when you peel back a sheet of paperbark tree. Still, you gotta try to be positive from time to time...