I've Got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy

The recent announcement that a coalition of influential conservative Christians may back a third party candidate if the Republican party nominates Rudolph Giuliani is good, good news. It's about time that the people who hate the gays and the people who love violence realized that their mutual hatred of women wasn't really enough to keep them together. Maybe they'll be able to stay friends-- even hook up once in a while in moments of desperation-- but the love affair seems to be ending.

Maybe. Or, maybe they'll put aside their difference, give up their dreams, and try to work things out. You know, for the kids.

But this splintering of the Republican party isn't good news only because it means these hateful morons are starting to turn on each other-- I mean, that is good news, but there's more to it than that. It's becoming more and more apparent to me that our two-party system just has to go. When John Edwards-- a man who voted for our current quagmire-- is widely hailed as the viable liberal candidate, you know something's broken. I mean, sure, I'd rather vote for a candidate who supported the war initially but then changed his mind when it became unpopular than for a candidate who insists on "staying the course," but-- as I'm often fond of saying-- I'd rather step in dog shit than step on a dead cat. In general, though, I find it very hard to get excited about supporting the "less nauseasing" choice.

So I say, go for it conservative Christians! See if you can get Pat Buchanan to run again. Or maybe William Donahue. Or even James Dobson. These are famous guys who are on TV a lot-- they'll bring a lot of attention to your cause. And Green Party! Try to get Al Gore on the phone, but if he insists that he's still not interested, go ahead and offer it to Ralph Nader again. The Libertarians can have Ron Paul; the sensible vegetarian peaceniks can form a party to nominate Dennis Kucinich.

Can you imagine that debate? A presidential debate featuring Pat Buchanan, Rudy Giuliani, Hillary Clinton, Ralph Nader, Ron Paul, and Dennis Kucinich. It would be like wrestling, but with more flag lapel pins. But, more importantly, it would offer a broad spectrum of ideas and dreams for America, and would provide us with the opportunity to truly vote for the candidate who best represented our interests and values, whereas our current situation simply allows us to vote for the candidate who inspires a minimal amount of nausea. "Hillary Clinton? Yeah, I throw up in my mouth a little bit when I think about her getting elected, but I can usually swallow it down again. But Rudy Giuliani? Uh-oh. Looks like I'm going to have to change my shoes again."

Really, is the vomit test any way to elect a president?

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