Gluttony, and a Random Ten
Look, I'm not in great shape-- I try to eat healthy, and I exercise regularly. But I also really like wine and beer too much to ever be the slim young man I was at eighteen. And I'm cool with that-- people obsess way too much over their physical appearance and having the "perfect" body. Frankly, I'm content to just have the perfect mind, housed in a pretty damn nifty body.
That said, there's absolutely no reason for the new Country Breakfast Burrito from Hardee's. This is 920 calories, 60 grams of fat, and chest pains that last till bedtime. I mean, seriously-- eggs, bacon, sausage, ham, cheese, hash browns, and sausage gravy, all wrapped up in a tortilla. That's right: there's an entire pig inside every one of these monstrosities.
Hardee's, of course, famously gave the world a 1400 calorie sandwich and an 1100 calorie salad prior to this, so it's not exactly surprising. But that's such a fucked-up business model, you know? Come eat in our restaurant-- so we can kill you. I mean, they ought to just include a pack of Camel Turkish Blend Unfiltereds with every combo meal purchase. If you must commit suicide slowly, you might as well enjoy a rich, flavorful blend of tobacco while you do it.
Favorite line from the article-- marketing chief Brad Haley on why this burrito is such a bitchin' idea:
“It makes this big country breakfast portable."
Yes. For the glutton-on-the-go, finally, the breakfast for you: A thousand calories of artery-clogging deliciousness that you can eat while you drive.
By the way-- this is why the terrorists hate us. Well, this and James Blunt.
Anyway, here's my Random Ten. Average serving size: 1 song. Number of servings on list: 10. Calories per serving: 0. Gorge yourself on my musical awesomeitude!
1) Archers of Loaf-- "Wrong"
2) Pink Floyd-- "Another Brick in the Wall (Part 2)"
3) Isaac Hayes-- "Theme from Shaft (vocal)"
4) Kanye West-- "Touch the Sky"
5) Regina Spektor-- "Music Box"
6) Kate Bush-- "Hammer Horror"
7) Blake Babies-- "Sanctify"
8) Morrissey-- "Human Being"
9) White Stripes-- "We're Going to be Friends"
10) Velvet Underground-- "Sunday Morning"