Oh Dear

Look, to be clear, I think adults should be able to have consensual sexual relations with anyone they want. I even think that they should be able to pay for it, if that helps facilitate the encounter. Live and let live. That's what I'm all about.

Nevertheless, I feel it's my duty as a blogging patriot to comment on all of the Republican sex scandals that have come to light recently, because Republicans are the party of "family values," which means they tend to support abstinence-only sex education, bigotry against homosexuals, anti-choice efforts, and... well, really any attempt for a man to get off other than in the missionary position, with his wife, in the dark, while praying for conception. Also, any attempt for a woman to get off.

So one can't help but grin at the recent misfortune of Jack "9/11 Widows Are Pathetic and Stupid" Burkman and David "Hookers Don't Kill Marriage, Gays Do" Vitter. I usually try to find the good in all people (honest, I do), but there's something about seeing these people who have spent their entire political careers trying to hurt other people finally getting hurt as well. The Germans have a word for this type of joy at the well-earned misfortune of others: Fukkinbitchin.

Yeah, I can't be bothered to look up how the real word is spelled, just as I can't be bothered to put in links to the stories about Burkman and Vitter. You can Google them just as easily as I can, though.

Anyway, here's a Republican sex scandal that hits a little bit closer to home. From the Orlando Sentinel:

"State Rep. Bob Allen was arrested Wednesday afternoon at a local park after offering to perform a sex act on an undercover officer in exchange for $20, police said."

Zoinks! That's like... that's like... that's like... gay! Oh, well, I'm sure they can send him to a camp or a retreat or wherever the hell it was they sent Ted Haggard and get this small problem cleared up in a few weeks. Just because someone caught a case of the gays doesn't mean he can't still effectively legislate morality once he's been cured.

In his defense, Bob Allen's only been charged with solicitation, not convicted. And he says it was all a big mistake. Not that the undercover cop is lying, just that there was a misunderstanding. I'm guessing that misunderstanding was, "I'll suck you off, and then give you $20 as a gift, from one friend to another." In which case I guess we'll all owe Bob Allen a big apology.

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