In Defense of Crupidity

I'm not sure that this really qualifies as crupidity, that peculiar mix of crazy and stupid that causes people like Ft. Laderdale Mayor Jim Naugle to do things like call press conferences promising an apology to a sizable group of the electorate, only to take the opportunity to be even more insulting and deranged. Crupidity causes people to not only be hateful and harmful to others, but also to harm themselves-- imagine if George W. Bush said in a press conference, "It's not that I'm instructing White House officials to refuse to cooperate with Congressional investigations because I feel like, on principle, the White House shouldn't be subjected to Congressional oversight. It's that I'm afraid Congress will discover that we've been breaking the law for the past six years-- and I know we have, 'cause I gave the orders. Suck on that, bitches!" Crupidity.

So Janet Folger isn't crupid herself-- she's just your normal, garden variety, run-of-the-mill stupid person with a persecution complex. She's the author of the "book" The Criminalization of Christianity, which I admit I haven't read but I'm sure it's really gripping and not completely, fundamentally flawed at its core at all. She's also been on FOX News a lot, I guess. So she's pretty famous among people who want to make praying to the Christian God in English while wearing a flag lapel pin a mandatory part of the citizenship test.

Again, that's stupid, but not crupid. She's made a very comfortable living for herself-- I mean, she's met Sean Hannity, and he's dreamy. She may be a very shallow thinker, but she's turned that to her advantage.

Nevertheless, the essay I linked to above is a defense of Naugle's crupidity entitled "News Flash! Sex in Public Still Illlegal," which will cause the literate among you to sit up in your chairs and proclaim, "News flash! Nobody's argued otherwise."

At no point has anyone-- gay or straight-- tried to argue that sex in public should be legalized, or demanded that those arrested for breaking the law be freed. What we have pointed out is that the mayor has an unnatural, pathological obsession with the idea of two hot, sweaty guys ducking into a park's restroom, removing each other's tank tops to reveal their glistening abs and rock-hard pecs, then sliding their short cut-offs off of each other to reveal meaty, throbbing cocks just begging to be sucked.

I'm sorry if the above description seems crude, but blame the mayor. He won't stop talking about it! I just report-- you decide.

Anyway, the mayor keeps bringing this fanta-- er, imaginary criminal behavior up in public, and law enforcement keeps contradicting him by pointing out that, by all accounts, this doesn't actually happen-- they'd made one arrest in three years and receive approximately zero complains each year of this sort of behavior. But the mayor's not satisfied, and wants to spend $250,000 on robotic toilets because he's convinced that Ft. Laderdale's gay community is such a randy, amoral bunch that they're not only having sex in public places, they're also using their powerful influence to prevent police officers from arresting them for doing such things.

Folger has a series of stupid questions in her article that I'm now going to attempt to answer.

Q: Why do they arrest the Gideons for handing out Bibles on the Florida public sidewalk and, yet, give the homosexuals their own section in the public library for gay porn?

Q: What would happen if we tried to put a nativity scene on that public property? Would they even let those who are 18 and older see it?

Q: If homosexuals aren't having illegal sex in the public restrooms why are they so upset about a mayor trying to stop it?

A: Shut up.

A: Shut up.

A: Oh, shut the hell up!

Hmmm. That was easy, though I'm afraid not entirely persuasive. I'll try again.

A: The Stonewall Library and Archive is not about pornography, it's about presenting the history and culture of a group of people that have been discriminated against. It's true, some of the material is erotic in nature, but since this is a library devoted to sexual identity, that sort of makes sense, don't you think? Still, I think it's safe to say that nobody's going to look at these pieces of history and immediately seek... ah... "relief," if you know what I'm saying. This is about setting up a place for scholarship, not turning the library into an adult bookstore. And you know it.

And those Gideons handing out Bibles? Well, first of all, that happened in Key Largo, not Ft. Lauderdale-- different city authorities, genius. And why were they arrested? 'Cause they were hanging around outside a school when they had no business being there, and the city has a law that says you can't do that. It's designed to protect kids from people who want to have sex with them. But I suppose in Folgerland, a pedophile armed with a backpack full of small, pocket-sized Bibles should be able to trawl for as much underaged tail as he wants, huh?

Here's a question for you, Janet-- what kind of a person tries to argue that we need to oppress and villify homosexuals in order to "protect the children," but then tries to rip apart a law designed to prevent people from raping kids? Are you that dishonest? Or crupid?

A: Seriously. What the hell are you talking about? The reason nativity scenes on public property invite controversy is that their violate the constitution-- our civil authorities can't endorse one religion over another. The Constitution doesn't ban libraries, you nitwit.

A: Because, unlike "values voters" who vote Republican, some of us (gay and straight) are in favor of fiscal responsibility. $250,000 for a single toilet is a moronic waste of money-- particularly in a state that refuses to fund its schools. Those of us who live in Florida are being told that we're in a state of fiscal crisis-- universities have to institute enrollment caps, fire fighters can't extinguish our state quickly when it's on fire, there aren't enough cops on the road to enforce the speed limit. But we can pay $250,000 for a bathroom with a door that will open automatically if it decides we're "taking too long"? Seriously... maybe you are crupid, if that sounds like a good idea to you.

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